Rush
by Eighth Sin
Summary: Adam tries going through the motions of everyday life, you know, the one where aliens attack your planet while you're trying to deal with your own problems. After the Galra invasion, he deals with his PTSD and anxieties when familiar faces come back into his life. As if he didn't have enough problems already. (doesn't have adam and curtis as characters. will add when available)
1. Chapter 1 - Adam

Wake up at the crack of dawn. Brush teeth. Stare into mirror for five minutes, whispering an affirmation— a hope for the day to start and end with nothing too out of the ordinary occurring. Sigh loudly. Go into the bedroom to wake up his sleeping fi...

There is no sleeping fiance anymore. Adam stares at his empty bed, a slight bitterness washing over him before he composes himself. The left side of the sheets rested in a crumpled mess, but the right was almost neat, as if untouched for the past two years.

Adam tiredly rubbed his hand over his face, pausing at at stubble he refused to tend to for the past week.

 _Inhale._

 _Hold._

 _Exhale._

As a man of routine, habits were hard to break. For nearly two years, he would finish his morning routine and walk into his bedroom to wake up his now-gone ex-fiance.

He could remember Takashi's deep, sleepy eyes that would squint at the gradual brightening of the room. A groan, if Adam ever decided to swing open the curtains, indicates his need for a few more minutes of darkness. It would take him almost half and hour to get Takashi out of bed, mainly because the latter would try to bribe Adam back in for a few minutes of peace. Adam never gave in, and sometimes, he wishes he had humored the attempts.

 _"Come on, Adam. We're only young for so long…" Takashi mumbled, trying to keep his hold on Adam's waist while the latter easily escapes._

 _"You're hopeless." Adam flicks Takashi's nose and leans down to press his forehead on his lover's for a moment before pulling back._

He shakes his head and sighs once again, unphased by the thought. Takashi was gone. Last he had heard from Sam, Takashi was safe. That was all he was given. He mourned for his lover, and moved on.

No distractions. Distractions offer little to no productivity, and he had long since decided that there was no use putting his whole life on hold anymore.

Adam dresses himself and drinks a glass of water before exiting his home and making his venture to the Garrison.

His thoughts venture as well. Sam Holt had come back in a strange spacecraft and was being held by the Garrison. Adam doesn't understand what the current situation is, but he feels a strange sensation in his stomach, as if he'll throw up any moment. He had felt the same before Takashi told him about the illness that had ravaged his body since before he could even walk, the same way he felt as he followed his routine after his final argument with his lover. Now he feels this looming threat in the pit of his being and all he can think is he needs to get to class.

Sam Holt.

He has to have answers.

Adam arrives at the Garrison and walks down the hall and muses about the lecture he is to give in the upcoming hour. He finds himself increasingly nervous as he nears the hall. These cadets all look to him to provide accurate information on the devices they hope to control in just a year. He is responsible for providing enough information to help them understand how to pilot in the simulations and how to respond to any and every situation they may encounter.

Normally, he is unbothered by these details, but lately, he sees the faces of the cadets who went missing some years ago. He speaks clearly to the students in class, half who seem uninterested and half who absorb every word of his, but he holds back the waver in his voice when he sees flashes of sun-kissed skin, lazy smiles… anxious fidgeting... or ginger hair and bright, curious eyes. Once he finishes up his lecture, the class disperses. The pit in his stomach makes him feel like he's going to collapse.

"Good morning, Professor Wahid." A student snaps him from his thoughts. Adam looks and nods.

"Good morning, James. How can I help you?" he asks, offering his signature reassuring smile.

Excitedly, James begins. "First, thanks for the class today. It was a really interesting lecture, and I'd really love to meet you during office hours to talk more, since I know you're heading to another class right now," James rambles. Adam enjoyed it. His curiosity and thirst for knowledge reminded him of himself when he was a cadet.

"Yes, I'm heading over right now. How about we walk, and you can ask what you want." Adam gathers his portfolio. James grins at him almost sheepishly, having been found out.

"I was just wondering about the simulation rooms. I haven't been able to practice as much as I would have liked to because I was studying for my exams."

"How did you do on those?" Adam asks him.

James looks relieved at the thought of his recent exams. "Great! Your study methods are amazing. Even Rizavi was able to sit still enough to retain some of the concepts."

"That's good to hear. I'm guessing you want extra time in the simulations?" Adam questions, turning at the corner.

James rubs his neck and gathers his thoughts, "Yes, I really want to make sure when I get in the real thing, I can do the best for my team. Also, I can't be embarrassing you after your recommendation."

"No, you can't…"

Adam smiles at him, but an almost overwhelming sense of dread washes over him. It was times like this where he remembered that he was training these young adults into one day piloting machines that could be partly responsible for their untimely deaths. Adam is no stranger to losing his students to during times of conflict.

He almost shuts his eyes at the flash of pale skin and lifeless eyes. He remembers being called into Medical and encountering a grim Iverson who breaks the news to him.

" _He didn't make it._ "

Adam never fully recovers from that afternoon… or, maybe it was an evening? He can't remember anymore.

It's not the first time the words are spoken to him, and it's definitely not the last. The amount of times he's had to console the families of a dreadfully young cadet makes him sick. He questions the validity of a program that can put children into such a position.

"Professor…?" James brings Adam back to the present.

Adam blinks and rolls his shoulders.

"I'll have to check the schedule and see if anyone dropped their time. I'll make sure to email you by this afternoon." Adam promises him and James nods.

"Thank you so much, Professor. Have a good rest of your day, I'll see you!" James salutes him in an almost comical fashion. Or, maybe, just Adam thinks it's comical. James is a stickler for rules, and is almost overbearingly respectful to his instructors. The young man is at the top of his class, and with more practice he has the potential of becoming one of the top pilots of his graduating class and one of the best pilots the Garrison has ever seen. Adam would _almost_ admire his tenaciousness if it wasn't for the fact that it reminds him so much of Takashi.

Adam pauses for a moment. In the beginning, the patches of Takashi he found in others caught him off guard.

His heart wavers.

" _Adam, look!" Takashi excitedly interrupts Adam's grading. He sighs and looks up from his desk._

 _He takes a moment to take in his lover's appearance. Takashi, despite having muscular dystrophy, is large man. His Garrison issued uniform does little to lessen the emphasis of his broad chest and thick arms._

' _Cute…' Adam muses in his head. He rests his cheek in his hand and looks into those dark chocolate eyes expectantly._

" _What is it?" He asks._

 _Takashi is grinning at him, swaying back and forth for a moment before pulling out a file and handing it to Adam, "I found this kid at the school today. He's gifted, I really think he's got potential. Just look at his simulation notes and scores!"_

 _Adam's heart plummets. Takashi isn't letting go of this piloting business for anyone. Not even himself..._

He shakes his head.

 _Inhale._

 _Hold._

 _Exhale._

The class drags on longer than he prefers it to.

Nothing out of the ordinary happens, and, like always, he makes his way back home and to the pile of reports he's been working on for the past week. Normally he would have been done with the reports, but this gnawing feeling had been keeping him from making too much progress.

When he realizes he will be unable to finish the reports for another evening, he leaves them on the coffee table and gets ready for bed.

The same routine, as usual.

He walks into the living room and looks around. The feeling in his stomach expands.

 _Inhale._

 _Hold._

 _Exhale._

He can worry about this feeling later.

The next day, he is brought into a briefing session. Admiral Sanda, Commander Iverson and several of the higher staff are present. Sam Holt stands beside his wife, Colleen. Once everyone is gathered, Sam speaks.

 _Galra. Voltron. Zarkon. Battle. Olkari. Quintessence. Paladins._

Adam's head spins as the meeting proceeds. He says nothing and just listens to the others in the room argue. Sam Holt is planning on integrating _alien_ technology into their own technology to create spacecrafts and battle crafts that will supposedly help in this intergalactic war.

As the meeting room clears out, Adam sits, arms crossed and lips pursed tightly. Sam Holt approaches him cautiously, aware of the man's notorious tendencies of snapping at anyone indiscriminately when provoked. Adam had never interacted with the man, aside from one dinner he attended with Takashi following the announcement of the Kerberos mission.

To the best of his knowledge, the only viable connection Adam has with the older man is Matt Holt — Sam's son, and Adam's long time friend.

Adam tenses when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Adam, there's so much I want to tell you. I can't right now, but I need your help. Please," Sam whispers to him.

Adam's jaw clenches. His thoughts are racing.

There is a chance that he can keep people from dying. There is a chance he can keep this war from raging on. He can help his students, the same ones that he is responsible for sending into battles.

"What can I do to help?" He finally looks up, a calm determination set into his expression.

—

 _What can I do to help?_

The words echo through his mind whenever he and his top four students meet up and he briefs them on how their planes work. It is his job to create simulation levels that accurately represent the Galra attacks. With the help of Sam Holt, he is conditioning these four and numerous others for the path of war. These four are the youngest to start the MFE training, having just graduated.

Adam doesn't teach classes anymore. He doesn't go home anymore.

As days turn into weeks, Adam finds himself wavering. He is doubting the mission— doubting all of Sam's claims. Galra? Aliens? Intergalactic space war? He snorts.

None of it feels real, and Adam constantly hopes the resurfaced feeling in his stomach will eventually swallow him whole.

When he watches as Hunk spoke on screen, reminiscing about home and his family, Adam feels a stab in his chest. When Lance tearfully encourages his family, Adam has to sit down. When Katie sadly apologizes to their mother, Adam feels tears threatening his eyes. They are okay. But what did "okay" even mean to these children who have spent the past few years under the pressures of shouldering the safety of countless universes?

He speaks to Sam, who tells him Takashi and Keith are with Voltron.

Adam doesn't know if he should laugh. He doesn't remember the last time a claim held the power to force him into doubling over.

He laughs.

Sam looks over him sympathetically.

It starts. Adam tries to gain clearance for upgrading their weapons. Only the MFE planes have power that rivals the Glara ships, or so Sam claims. In between planning and engineering the MFEs, Adam has to make sure the standard planes are running efficiently as well.

The day Admiral Sanda makes the order for the first wave of fighter pilots to attack the Galra, the pit in his stomach subsides. He is a part of the first wave. He's taken up the job of strategist. Admiral Sanda wants him to report back his findings so they can come up with a better plan to take on the Galra.

Curtis, a former classmate of Adam's who reconnected with him during this time of war, calls Adam quickly. He's panicked.

"A-Adam, stay safe, okay? Stay safe." He pleads, obviously shaken up, worried, but he has to be back in charge of communications in a few minutes.

Adam's heart clenches. His friend's heart is too big. It opens up and consumes everyone and everything, regardless of how it will hurt him in the end. He cares about everyone and everything. Adam smiles a little.

 _Curtis is sitting on the floor of the gym, deflated._

 _Adam raises his eyebrow and walks over to him, handing him a water bottle and plops down next to him, "What's go you so upset?"_

" _I'm not upset, but thank you for asking." Curtis states, his expression contradicting his words. Adam gives him a look, and Curtis breaks under that scolding gaze, "Fine, I'll talk."_

" _There's a cadet I ran into. She was so scared and asked me to look into her family. I know I'm not supposed to, but… she's only eighteen. I did, and I couldn't find any news on them. So, of course, I looked into the general status of the area. The whole city was demolished. I just… I don't know what to tell her." Curtis tears up._

 _Adam is silent for a moment. He opens his mouth then shuts it._

" _I guess I brought that on myself, but thanks for listening." Curtis inhales deeply and smiles at Adam. In more ways than one, Curtis begins looking like Takashi to Adam. He thinks it's because of his tendency to try and help anyone who asks. They both never pause to help themselves, though..._

 _Adam shakes his head, "I'll go with you."_

James looks at his former teacher as the latter suits up.

"Professor-"

"Not your professor anymore, James," Adam chides in a matter-of-fact tone, as if he isn't being sent out to his death at the very moment.

"Will you be okay?" Nadia apprehensively asks. The cheerful and confident girl looks terrified at the thought of Adam leaving. Ina and Ryan silently watch him, but he can tell they are worried.

"It doesn't matter if I'll be okay. What matters is that regardless of what happens to me, you four will continue on with your mission and help us get rid of this threat." Adam hates putting this type of pressure on his former students, but he can't allow his personal feelings to get in the way of his orders.

"This is Commander Iverson, initiate base defense protocol, Beta Five."

Adam braces himself. He's in his plane. As the hood descends, he feigns steel calm and gestures to his team firmly one last time, "You heard the man, we're up."

 _Awful._

 _Chaotic._

 _Hopeless…_

The first one to go down doesn't even get a chance to cry out for help. They are completely annihilated in a matter of seconds. Their communication icon goes black. Adam doesn't have time to comprehend the loss before he swerves out of a beam's way and two more go black. This time he can clearly hear the screams before impact. Communication officers are hastily trying to contact the fighters.

"Team, stay focused!" Adam commands when he begins hearing shaky breaths. He can't do much except hold out. Three more go black. He grits his teeth. That feeling in his stomach has expanded to his chest. Another one goes black. Another scream echoes in his head. He can't see for a second. The plane that crosses his path is shot down. Chunks of metal disperse and black smoke indicates a fire about to engulf what is left.

How many is that now?

The tremors from being hit knock Adam from his thoughts. He can't breathe. Adam feels a brief period of peace. He isn't going to have to live with those flashes anymore. He can bid farewell those robotic habits that have been so ingrained like torture into his mind. He won't need to _worry_ about anyone anymore.

And as his eyelids begin to feel heavy, he sees a flash of dark hair and a huge grin. Adam's eyes snap open, and he gasps. The sound is unlike any he has heard himself make before- a pained wheeze. He believes he has swallowed fire.

At that moment, there is pain. He doesn't know where it starts or where it ends, but there is pain, and he is almost torn apart by it.

He shakily breathes.

He's blinded by an explosion and all air is knocked from his lungs.

He shakily breathes.

 _Inhale._

 _Hold._

 _Exha…_

 _Dark._


	2. Chapter 2 - Lost

There is a deafening buzz. Another ship goes down. The earth feels as though it will shatter under his body. He can hear explosions, but only through high pitched tones. It reminds him of when Curtis gets phone anxiety and leaves the phone on dial, causing an annoying prolonged beep. Curtis… Adam should let him know he's okay… There's another explosion. Everything meshes together and then goes black.

When Adam comes to, he is nauseated by the searing pain spread across his face and down the entire left side of his body. He immediately notices blurred figures walking by him and speaking in hushed tones, but when he tries to call out, only a pained groan escapes his lips.

"You're awake!" someone calls out. They are excited, quite young... A child? He can't determine where the voice originates from and tries to lift his head. The action causes a sharp pain down his back, and his head falls back soon after.

"You don't wanna move too much, pilot," another voice tells him in a tone similar to that which he used to scold his students. This voice is much deeper… tired but reassuring.

Adam breathes slowly; each inhale shoots a horrid pain throughout his chest, as if his body is rejecting the air it needs to thrive. His eyes widen just a fraction as he realizes he can't move his left arm, and a panic starts to bubble. His breathing quickens, but his shallow breaths do little to help the pain.

Suddenly, he weighs a ton. There is cement lodged in his lungs. Why is he still here?

"Buddy, you gotta calm down," the tired voice instructs.

 _Oh, yeah. Let me just turn the off switch, good advice. Buddy._

A blurred figure comes into view. Adam can barely make out dark hair and dark eyes. They press a hand down onto his chest, notifying Adam that he has been trying to get up. He wants to calm himself, but he can't.

"Glasses…" He grits the word painfully through his teeth. Barely a whisper. Being able to see should bring him security.

The person pauses and shakes their head. "Can't really call em glasses. They were shattered."

The panic starts to rise again. Without his glasses, he can't see. Without his glasses, he can barely function. He curses himself for not keeping a spare on him, but in hindsight, the spare would have shattered too.

A moment of silence.

"When we found you, we didn't think you'd make it past the night… But here you are! Lucky you, huh?" They try to lighten the mood as they wipe Adam's forehead and leave an all too familiar alcoholic sting in their path.

"How… bad is… it?" Adam's chest heaves, and he focuses on shutting his eyes tightly as the stinging transitions into burning.

Another pause, this time initiated by his apparent savior.

"From what I was able to determine, you've sustained numerous burns. Your engine might have exploded—don't quote me on that—and it seemed your vehicle was blown to bits by one of those ships. Most of the burns are minor, don't know how you managed that, but there's some severe burns on the left side of your face. Your eye had shards of the glass and other debris caught in it. I was able to remove it all, but we'll need to be careful about infections. When we found you, your arm was pinned down by a piece of metal. With some help, we were able to get you out, but I can only do so much. It'll heal, but it's gonna take a while, and you won't be able to use it for a long time."

Adam can't help but lose focus and drift.

—

" _... and your muscles have started deteriorating at a faster rate than we previously predicted. You mentioned your legs give out sometime—"_

 _Takashi cuts the doctor off. "I didn't mention that."_

 _He looks at Adam, who is sitting in the guest chair in the doctor's office. Adam feels those accusatory eyes but doesn't let it bother him. At least, not now._

 _When they get to the car, Adam takes the driver's seat. Takashi doesn't argue. Adam thinks the drive is going well, but he can feel the tension. The way Takashi's lips are tightly formed into a straight line, the way he's staring straight ahead, and how his fists are clenched so tight his knuckles are white all support his theory. Finally, Adam gives in._

" _Takashi, they need to know all your symptoms. If you leave anything out, finding a cure will—"_

 _Takashi cuts him off. "Damn it, Adam! There is no cure!" His voice cracks as he emphasizes the last part. Adam's heart jumped, but he swallows it down._

—

Buddy, as Adam has deemed the person until he is given a name, sighs. "Should I keep going?"  
Adam lets out a half chuckle, eyes glazed over as he mulls through his regrets. "Be my guest…"

"Your ribs are in pretty bad shape. I was afraid you had broken them… wouldn't have been able to help much if your lungs were collapsed, but thankfully, you're gonna get off with some bruises. I'm assuming from being in that fire, you inhaled a large amount of smoke and other debris. You've been coughing like a madman. Your leg is also broken. That was the worst of it all, I would say. I don't have much equipment, so we had to do the best we could with a splint. You're gonna be on crutches for a while, but I can't promise you're bones are going to heal in place either. That's about it." He ends with a bittersweet chuckle.

 _That's about it._

Adam is silent, taking in the magnitude of the injuries he sustained. Why did he have to be the on- wait…

"Were there others?" he asks, trying to even his breathing. It would be nice to have at least one thing in his life he can control, but it seems his lungs are far from cooperation.

"No… we found some others but were too late."

Adam says nothing.

Buddy speaks again, and Adam is unsure if they are just trying to fill the tense silence. "My name is Preston, what about you?" they introduce themselves finally.

Adam does not respond.

"Is he okay?" the younger voice from earlier asks.

Unsure, Preston sighs,"He will be…"

He stands up and cracks his neck before picking up the child in his arms. From what Adam can tell, the child has dark hair and dark skin, just like Preston.

"Oh…" The child sadly looks at Adam.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, he's dealing with a lot. Let's go see if Yven needs help."

And with that, the two leave.

He's alive. He doesn't know where he is. He is currently immobile. He cannot see. He admits he's been in brighter situations. Moments pass, and his mind wanders once again.

—

 _"How are you feeling, love?" Adam gently whispers into Takashi's hair. They've been sitting in the car and holding each other for several minutes. After Takashi's outburst, he broke down, which brings them to their current position. Adam wonders if Takashi is finally understanding just how his body is going to break down._

 _Of course, he had an idea that he would eventually be bedridden, but the time finally catching up with him must have scare the living hell out of him. Adam feels his heart in his throat but holds off. He can't make this about himself._

 _"I don't want to die," his lover hoarsely whispers into his chest._

 _What is Adam supposed to say to that? You're not going to die?_

 _Instead, he rocks Takashi gently, rubbing small circles into his back in hopes of calming him down._

 _"I'm sorry, Adam…" Takashi continues. His arms tense up and quickly loosen for a fraction of a second._

 _What is he supposed to say to that?_

 _He loses a part of himself that day—The part of him that believes in hope, the part of him that believes that everything will work out._

—

Adam wakes with a start when he hears someone push aside the curtains. Preston brings Adam some water and food.

"I know it's gonna hurt, but you need to eat. It'll help with the healing," he presses, setting the items down and helping Adam up. Eating is the last thing on Adam's mind.

The water burns, and he has to take a moment to cough up his internal organs before he can continue.

Days pass before Adam is fully conscious and aware of his surroundings. He has deduced that there are at least five people in the hideout—two of which are children. He learns that the little girl, Solia, is Preston's niece. Her parents were killed in the first attack of the Galra. Preston is a physician who works in the city over. He and his niece were returning from a field trip to the Garrison when the Galra attacked. He has been trying to reach the Garrison ever since, as the facility now has a working particle barrier and is the only fully safeguarded perimeter that they know of. There is a little boy who runs around with Solia, but Adam hasn't had the energy to speak to either of them. He has noticed the other two figures pass by occasionally, but they tend to leave him be.

"Okay, buddy, think you're up for trying to walk today?" Preston asks him, voice bright as ever for someone who is a healer in a war-ridden wasteland. Adam can't help but feel comfort. The warmth in Preston's presence suits his healing profession well.

Adam glances at him.

The doctor moves closer to him. After recognizing that Adam is nearsighted, he made an effort to stand closer so that Adam might find comfort in actually being able to see his healer. Adam doesn't want to admit it, but Preston's efforts have helped the dark cloud in his head disperse just a little bit.

Preston has dark curly hair that he holds up in a bun. He claims he keeps it long so his niece has something to play with. He has dimples and a large, toothy smile. He is shorter than Adam.

Adam grits his teeth. The dream leaves a bitter taste in the back of his throat, and he doesn't want to be bothered. What is the point of trying to walk? He won't be any help in the fight anymore. He is just dead weight. He tells Preston to leave him alone, to leave him. There is no point in wasting resources on someone who will be unable to help in the long run.

 _There's no point in wasting time on someone who gave up on his loved ones so easily._

"Do you really believe that?" Preston asks, setting aside the makeshift crutch and sitting beside Adam.

"… Just leave me," Adam weakly insists.

"No. I'm not giving up on you. Do you really expect me to believe that _you_ believe that? Wouldn't you help someone regardless if they were _productive_ to the cause? Who are we if we don't take care of each other?" Preston's voice raises gradually, but he controls it so as not to alert anyone else.

Now on the defensive, Adam spits. "I. Don't. Need. Your. Pity."

Each word is spit out in agonizing pain. Every syllable cuts deep in Adam's chest. He wants to scream or punch one of those sturdy punching bags at the Garrison until his knuckles bleed. For a split second, he wonders if this is how Takashi would feel when Adam tried to talk to him about his illness. Takashi was much more headstrong than Adam, but he had to have felt pitied by anyone who found out about his illness.

"I'm not pitying you. You're not meant for this. You're stronger," Preston persists, leaning forward. Adam wishes he didn't see the desperation in Preston's eyes.

 _Stronger? What does he know?_

Adam chuckles dryly. All he's ever been is _strong_ for others. _Strong_ for his students. _Strong_ for his family. _Strong_ for the Garrison. _Strong_ for… Takashi.

And there he is again. Why does he have to pop into his head now of all times? The act is getting old and overdone. He _doesn't_ miss him, he screams at himself. He _doesn't_ care about him. He's a bad memory that needs to be erased, so why won't his brain stop? Why, in the depths of his consciousness, does _he_ have to show up? Adam breathes in shakily and glares as best can at Preston. It's not fair for him to be lashing out at the doctor. Curse being overly empathetic and concerned with how others feel before acknowledging how he himself feels.

"Okay... " Adam sighs after a moment's thought and winces.

Preston looks relieved and gets up to grab the crutch. He helps Adam sit up; the sheets suddenly feel heavier than they did when he was lying down.

"Urgh…" Adam groans as Preston helps him up. He leans heavily onto the other man's side.

"Don't worry, buddy, I got you," Preston encourages shakily, obviously not used to the excess weight. He places the crutch under Adam's right arm and slowly eases his grip. Adam rests his body weight on the crutch and slowly inches forward, unused to the handicap. Preston's arms hover slightly over Adam in case he collapses.

His jaw locks tightly, and he bears the pain and proceeds towards the curtains that separate him from the rest of the space. They are a light beige color. Stained. Upon closer inspection he can make out small rips on the edges, indicating that they had been one large piece in the past.

He breathes through his teeth and stops.

Preston grins at him, ready to break out into laughter. "You did it! This is step one! Or… well, I wasn't counting how many steps you took, but we're on the way to you kicking ass!"

Adam rolls his eyes. "You're more excited about this… than I am."

Preston is speechless for a moment.

"Huh, you're funnier than you look."

Over the next few weeks, Adam learns how to maneuver through the hideout.

He meets a sweet old couple, Magnolia and Yven. Both women were caught in the aftermath of the attacks and had found Preston and his niece in the desert. There was a little boy, Wes, who Preston had found unconscious and alone in the rubble of what they have now deemed their hideout. He doesn't talk much to the adults, but he's a lively boy. Solia and Wes like to hover around Adam and ask him questions.

"How many languages do you speak?" Solia inquires.

"Three."

"Do you have pets?" Wes shyly follows up.

"I don't."

"Do you have any siblings?" Solia continues.

"Two sisters."

He's exhausted. He doesn't like being badgered with the questions, but it gives him something to focus on. Every night when he closes his eyes, all he sees is fire, a beaming light, then a flash of the dark purple craft that shot his companions down one by one. Sometimes he sees that flash of dark hair and dark eyes of Takashi, but... Adam can't accurately recall what even _he_ looks like.

The pain in his chest has subsided into an annoying ache. He's thankful he can breathe.

He spends hours with the kids, who don't seem to run out of questions. The curtains fly open, revealing an exhausted Preston.

"Uncle! You're back!" Solia exclaims excitedly. He hugs her and sighs.

"Just went to go find some supplies."

Adam tilts his head when he notices the bag Preston is carrying.

"Alright, kids, go to grandma. Adam needs time to rest." He smiles, running a hand through Wes' long blond locks. Both children look as if they want to argue, but Preston nudges them out. When he returns, he smiles. "Sorry about them, they're just excited. Solia has a small crush on you."

"She has low standards…" Adam notes and grins when Preston laughs.

"You know, if Yven finds out you call her grandma, she'll throw a fit," Adam warns his companion. Preston grins.

"I apologize for not being able to help gather supplies," Adam continues. It feels awful to be immobilized. Part of him wonders if this helplessness is how Takashi felt when…

No use thinking of him right now.

"No worries, I actually enjoy it. It's calming, once you get over the fact that you might be shot down," Preston jokes. Adam dryly chuckles. It's good to have someone with the same sense of humor around.

"But look, while I was out, I found these!" Preston excitedly opens the small pocket of his bag to reveal several pairs of glasses. He holds a pair out to Adam.

"I don't know how helpful they'll be. I found them lying… around…" They sit in silence as the statement settles.

Adam sharply inhales, and take the pair offered to him. "Well, no one else is using them. One of these might actually be decent. Let's see."

They try on several pairs and finally, Adam rests a pair on his face and smirks. They're rectangular with a thin black frame. They slip from the bridge of his nose ever so slightly, but with a little tinkering, they would rest fine. They are not as small as the frames he previously owned, but who was he to question this nice turn of events?

"These are… these work." He feels a smile play on his lips.

Preston looks in shock."Seriously?! You can see with those?"

Adam's smirk grows into a smile, and he can't help when he breaks into a grin and tears prick his eyes. Something is _finally_ going right.

"Yeah," he breathes.

"That-That's so great! I'm so glad! Oh, god... " Preston gives a teary laugh. Adam stares at him, bewildered.

"Adam! You wear glasses?!" Solia asks as they enter the living area. Magnolia and Yven look up from the book they are reading to the kids. Wes looks at him curiously as well.

For the first time in weeks, Adam finds himself. "What? You don't like them?"


	3. Chapter 3 - Sleep

It's night again, and for the nth time Adam finds himself drifting in and out of consciousness. He's been with this group for months now, but the time hasn't done much to keep him from losing himself in memories of the past.

Preston does well to include Adam in any supply runs now. Adam's injuries have started healing, and he doesn't find it too hard to maneuver around. Running is still a no go. There's an obvious limp, but he doesn't need to use the crutch unless he's in a lot of pain. Sadly, he does tend to overwork himself. Anything to keep him busy…

When he isn't on a supply run, he talks to Yven and Magnolia. The two women have been best friends for decades and didn't come to realize their love for each other until their late fifties.

"We want to make up for the lost time," Yven tells Adam.

Magnolia adds on, "I think we always knew we loved each other, we just never said anything."

Adam enjoys being around them, but too much time with them tends to send him down a rabbit hole of uncontrollable thoughts. Part of him wonders if he could have had this if he tried hard enough.

No… no use thinking of the _what ifs_ , he reminds himself.

Solia talks his ears off, and Wes likes to hold his hand when he feels overwhelmed. Adam might have a soft spot for the two, not that he's going to admit that anytime soon.

They fill his day with noise, but he's left in a limbo later in the evenings. He's lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling as he reminisces.

—

 _He's thirteen when his sisters drive him to his new school. He's one of the select few students to get accepted into the Garrison's space piloting program. His oldest sister, Noora, focuses on the road but occasionally makes a comment about how Adam would be miserable in the desert._

 _His other sister, Mona, laughs and turns up the radio, playing music that Adam would normally find annoying._

 _"Aren't you glad to be getting out of California?" Mona asks Adam, looking over her shoulder from the front passenger seat._

 _Adam thinks about it for a moment._

 _"I'll miss the beaches, and the heat is gonna be hard to get used to."_

 _Noora snorts. "The beaches are all you're gonna miss?"_

 _Adam blushes. "No, I mean, I'll miss you guys… but I'm kind of relieved that I won't be home."_

 _Mona nods in agreement._

 _Noora moved out first. She was attending medical school and was just finishing up her residency and had found a man she wanted to marry. Their parents had not taken the news well and claimed she was falling out of the culture. Adam could remember all of the nights he spent sitting with his sisters while Noora cried and Mona strategized. Noora was twenty-nine and often treated Adam like a son rather than a brother._

 _Mona stayed home a little longer. She said she didn't want to pay for dorming in college, but Adam had come to realize she felt a responsibility to protect him from their parents' moods and expectations. Mona just graduated from college with a degree in environmental science and marine biology. She doesn't know what she wants to do, but she says she'll figure it out._

 _Both of his sisters were much older than him, and made it their priority to keep him out of trouble. They were his biggest supporters. Noora was the one who gave him his first book on astronomy. It had been a textbook she used for an elective course in college, and he fell in love. Mona convinced Adam to apply to the program, and when he was accepted, she convinced their parents to let him go._

—

 _"If he messes this up, he's done." He remembers his father's booming voice shaking the walls of the house._

 _Mona doesn't budge. "Dad, he's not as immature as you think he is."_

 _Their mother butts in. "He speaks out of turn, and he can't stick to one thing for more than a month! Space military? Why can't he go to medical school like Noora?"_

 _"You didn't support Noora when she decided to go to med school." Mona raises her voice. Adam shuts his eyes. She's supposed to be the calm one. She never raises her voice unless she's laughing._

 _He flinches when he hears a loud crack and yelling. Moments later, his sister comes back, eyes red and cheek swollen, but she's grinning._

 _"Guess who's going to space school?"_

—

 _The Garrison comes into view, and Adam is taken aback by how large the facility is. He can make out huge dome structures and gray and orange colors blend into the desert, and he holds his breath. They park the car and get out. Noora adjusts her headscarf and takes off her sunglasses as she walks up to Adam and places her arm across his shoulders._

 _He feels… tiny._

 _"You ready, kid?" She squeezes his shoulder and ruffles his hair before ushering him to the back trunk to grab a few boxes. Mona has already grabbed a couple smaller bags from the trunk, leaving the rest for Adam and Noora._

 _"Alright, nerds, let's go." Mona blows air exasperatedly and locks the car. They make their way to the Garrison entrance where they are cleared and pointed to the dormitory building. They find Adam's room, and he unlocks the door. There's two plain twin beds, one on either side of the room. There's a two-person desk opposite of the front door. By the end of each bed, there's a medium sized closet with several drawers on the side. The walls are dark grey and cold. Plain, militaristic._

 _Adam sighs, placing his backpack on the bed closest to him._

 _Mona nudges him. "Hey, don't look like that. You're gonna do amazing here."_

 _He's about to respond, but she slaps his back. "Oh, I'm so looking forward to having all the samosas to myself!"_

 _Adam sneers, "Well, now that you're the only one there, you're gonna have to fill them all alone!"_

 _Mona's eyes gloss over in dramatic realization, "God, damn it! Adam, you gotta come back. What'll it take?!"_

 _The three laugh and get Adam's belongings sorted out._

 _"Your roommate still hasn't showed?" Mona asks, pulling her hair out of her bun._

 _"Looks like we'll have to meet him another time." Noora sighs and smiles at her younger brother. "Adam, we're so proud of you."_

 _She pulls him into a tight squeeze, and Adam tears up. Maybe he'll miss his suffocating home just a little bit._

 _"Yeah, A-dumb, haha, see what I did there?" Mona cackles at her own awful joke and ruffles his hair._

 _"You two are the reason my hair is always messed up," Adam accuses them tearfully._

 _"No tears, kiddo." Noora contradicts herself, wiping away a tear or two herself._

 _Mona rolls her eyes, trying to keep up her strong facade. "Yeah, lame-ass." Noora shoots her a look._

 _"Make sure to call regularly, and don't ignore us in the group chat!" Mona punches his arm and brings him into a hug too. Adam laughs a little against her shoulder but then tearfully holds onto her._

 _"Come on, Adam, you're gonna do great." she reaffirms._

 _They hug him and kiss his head, bidding him farewell._

 _He lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling before losing himself in his head._

 _Adam doesn't know how long he's asleep when he hears the door to his room squeak open. He inhales deeply and removes his arm from his eyes. He sits up and squints._

 _"Oh, sorry for waking you up. Are you Adam Wa… hyd?" the person asks him._

 _"It's pronounced Wa-heed," Adam answers in a dry tone._

 _The other boy looks at him apologetically. "My bad. I've never heard of that before. Sounds really cool. I'm Takashi Shirogane. People call me Shiro, but since we're gonna be roommates for a while, you can call me Takashi."_

 _Adam is still squinting. This guy likes to talk a lot. Takashi Shirogane walks up to his side of the desk and picks something up, offering it to Adam._

 _Adam looks down and … oh, they're his glasses. He must've placed them to the side before dozing off._

 _"Thanks." He puts them on and looks at his roommate. He's a pale guy with thick eyebrows, long eyelashes and a square face. He's bigger than Adam._

 _He looks like a jock, yet there's something soft about the way he holds himself._

 _Takashi glances over at Adam's desk and lights up immediately. "Hey! You like_ Lord of the Rings _, too?"_

 _"Huh? Oh, my sister is into old fantasy novels. She got me the series as a going away gift." Adam feels his face get hot._

 _"Have you watched the movies? They're CRAZY!" Takashi gets a little too close to his face. He's grinning wide in excitement._

 _"Uh… no, I've never even heard of it," Adam admits._

 _Takashi looks offended and presses his hand to his heart. "I guess that's our first bonding exercise!"_

—

Adam's heart tightens just a little bit. Does he truly hate Takashi or is it just resentment? Does he just hate himself for being right? For being right that Takashi wouldn't make it back from that mission? He's alive, though, right? Last he heard from Sam, Takashi was a part of an intergalactic resistance or something… He can't bring himself to believe it. He's staring up at the ceiling once more.

—

 _"Iverson… hates… me…" Adam grunts through his push ups. He had spoken out of turn ONCE and was being put through additional training for the next month. Takashi stares at him in amusement._

 _He's about to respond to Adam's comment but is stopped by the officer overseeing Adam's punishment, "Don't want to end up taking the discipline with him, do you, Shirogane?"_

 _Takashi waits. Just half an hour more, then he can hang out with Adam. He decides to go for a run while Adam is being tortured._

 _Adam collapses after his last pull up and groans on the floor._

 _Officer Davidson has a soft spot for the kid after proctoring his punishments for the past three years. She chuckles at Adam as she checks off the last box on her report._

 _"Alright, Wahid. I'll see you next time." And she's off._

 _Takashi hops off the treadmill and walks over to Adam, collapsing by his side._

 _"You know, I didn't take you for such a snappy person." Takashi nudges Adam playfully._

 _Adam sighs, controlling his breath. "Wanna go for a quick run now?"_

 _Takashi grins. "Only if you're up for it."_

 _The two had become quick friends during their first year. Takashi forced Adam into watching the entire Lord of the Rings series while Adam made Takashi watch these terrible sci-fi movies call_ Star Wars _. When they aren't training and studying, they're usually working out or causing mischief. At this point, most of Iverson's threats for expulsion fall on deaf ears._

 _The two are almost sprinting. Yeah, weight lifting and whatnot exhausted Adam, but he felt a need to impress his friend._

 _Adam looks over as he increases the speed of his treadmill, but his blood runs cold. He's seen it before—the way Takashi's body can sometimes fall apart on himself, but he never felt it was too prevalent to mention. At that exact second, Takashi's knees buckle and he slips backwards; his head slams into the hard floor of the gym with a sickening crack. If he hadn't noticed the way his legs gave out, Adam would have just assumed Takashi slipped._

 _"Takashi?!" Adam yells in panic, gaining the attention of a few others in the gym._

 _Mumbles of "Oh, shit" and "I'll call for help!" fill the room._

 _Adam stops his machine and scurries clumsily to Takashi's side, holding his friend up. He feels the back of Takashi's head for blood, and thankfully, there's none, but that doesn't mean he's okay. He's knocked out._

 _Adam is numb, shaking. His mind is blank._

 _Someone runs up to them, taking Takashi from Adam and examining his head for signs of injury._

 _"Help's on the way, don't worry." It's an older student. He smiles at Adam reassuringly, but it does little to settle the burning in his eyes. Takashi has mentioned having some sort of muscle degenerative disease, but never showed any symptoms. How could Adam just forget?_

 _He follows the medics to the infirmary and waits for any news._

 _"Adam?"_

 _He looks up to see Curtis. He's not in the same program as Adam, so they don't see each other too often, but they have physics and history together._

 _Adam opens his mouth to respond but only lets out a shaky breath._

 _Curtis glances over at the front desk. He works at the infirmary, and Adam's seen him a couple times for sprained wrists and exhaustion._

 _"I heard about Takashi. Don't worry. I'm not supposed to say, so you didn't hear from me. I overheard a nurse. He just has a concussion and will need to rest for a few days." Curtis offers words of consolation, looking at his classmate in worry. Adam blinks and sighs, knowing there's more to this than just a concussion. The cause of it worries him._

 _"Thanks, Curt."_

 _Curtis is silent for a few seconds and glances off to the side. "I gotta get back to work, but I'll check up on you two later."_

 _Adam nods in agreement. He calls Mona on the phone and doesn't realize he's crying until she comfortingly hushes him, calling him terms of endearment in their native tongue. He misses that security._

 _When Takashi wakes up, he can't see clearly and has an awful headache._

 _He doesn't notice Adam call over the doctor and most of his follow-up examination is a blur to him. When the doctor leaves, Takashi looks at Adam._

 _"Hey... " He breathes. Adam stares at Takashi's face intently before speaking._

 _"How are you…?" Adam asks him cautiously._

 _Takashi looks at him and tiredly smirks. "Were you cryin' over me?"_

 _Adam's eyes narrow; he's too tired and stressed for jokes, and Takashi apologizes and looks away from his friend. Is he… ashamed?_

 _"Hey," Adam starts and gains Takashi's attention. He has to hold his breath when granite eyes meet his own._

 _"You scared the shit out of me." Adam purses his lips, lightly punching his friend's shoulder._

 _Takashi fake winces and groans. "Should you really be abusing someone who's in the hospital?"_

 _"Hospital, my ass." Adam rolls his eyes._

 _A few hours later, Curtis drops by to check in and sneakily hands Adam a few packets of gummies._

 _"They're on me. Feel better soon, Shiro," he jokes and waves goodbye to them._

—

It goes against Takashi's nature to ask for help. Adam turns to his side and mentally rolls his eyes. For all his complaints about Takashi, it doesn't change the fact that Adam considers him his closest... friend. He doesn't like admitting that Takashi knows him the best out of anyone he's ever met.

—

 _"I miss samosas," Adam whines, face smooshed into his pillow._

 _Takashi looks up and raises his eyebrow. "What are samosas?"_

 _Adam turns his face to stare at Takashi, who is sitting at his desk. "They're only the best goddamn things in the world. You get this pastry and fill it with spicy potatoes. Some people like meat, I'm more of a potatoes, peas, and garbanzo beans guy. But you fill 'em and fry 'em and uuuuugh. My sisters and I would always make them before Ramadan."_

 _"What would you say if I said I had a way to get into the kitchen?" Takashi leans forward like how he always does when he's scheming and rests his face in his hands._

 _Adam's eyes light up as he looks at Takashi. "You didn't…"_

 _Takashi grins, opening his drawer and pulling out a keycard._

 _They make quick work of their day off by sneaking out into the city to buy some ingredients and then make their way the kitchen after hours._

 _Adam's giddiness is infectious and Takashi is an excited mess as they swipe into the kitchen. Adam thinks it's really cute how Takashi can intake someone else's good mood and project it five times stronger. It makes for good company._

 _Adam instructs Takashi on preparing the dough while he puts the potatoes to boil. He begins cutting up onions and feels a pair of eyes on him. He glances over to see Takashi leaning on the counter and staring at him intensely._

 _"What's up?" Adam asks suddenly self-conscious of every movement he's making. He looks back at the onions but feels scrutinized under the gaze._

 _If Takashi realizes he's staring, he isn't doing much to conceal it._

 _"It's just nice," Takashi muses, "that you're so excited about making these."_

 _Adam feels the heat in his neck and looks away, hiding his smile. He says nothing and continues. Once all the ingredients are chopped and mixed, he teaches Takashi how to make the pastry, and they make quick work of folding and filling._

 _Adam groans. "I didn't realize we wouldn't be able to fry them…"_

 _Takashi tilts his head in thought. "Is it okay if we bake them?" He motions to the oven._

 _Adam's shoulders slump and he dejectedly nods. "Sure; won't be as authentic though."_

 _Takashi slaps his back. "Hey, well, at least we won't be going too off the rails from our diets!"_

 _Adam takes comfort as they lay the samosas on a baking tray and throw them into the oven. He props himself onto the counter, leaning his head back against the wooden cupboard. Takashi stares into the over deep and finally gets up, propping himself next to Adam. He looks at his friend and mimics him, leaning his head back, too. He's sitting just close enough that his leg barely touches Adam's own._

 _"What're you thinking about?" Takashi asks after a few minutes of silence._

 _"Samosas."_

 _Takashi laughs and nudges Adam off balance. The smaller teen yelps and glares before shoving Takashi back._

" _Oh, come on! You got more than that, Wahid!" Shiro taunted, pushing Adam's cheek with his palm._

 _"Takashi!" Adam groans trying to push Takashi's hand away, and when that doesn't work, he takes to drastic measures and pokes Takashi's sensitive sides. Takashi yelps in surprise and in that split second Adam has him pinned by his side to the wall._

 _When Adam realizes what he's doing he gets flustered and pulls back, hopping off the counter and checking the samosas. He looks up at Takashi and grins. "They're almost done!"_

 _Takashi looks at him, a little dazed. He nods._

 _When Adam is happy with them, he pulls the tray out, revealing the golden brown and aromatic food._

 _He picks a few off and puts them in a plate, bringing them over to Takashi._

 _"Try em!" Adam insists, picking one up himself and biting into it. He immediately regrets his decision as he has to keep opening his mouth to blow the steam out._

 _Takashi picks one up and does the same and realizes his mistake for not letting them immediately cool off. The two keep trying to breath the heat from the samosas out but in vain. This causes Adam to start laughing because Takashi is in tears. Takashi ends up cry laughing at Adam because Adam had to spit the food out so he wouldn't choke._

 _Adam stares emptily at the cooled, saliva soaked mush in his palm and looks straight into Takashi's eyes. "I mean… it's still good."_

 _He moves around his hand to cool off the mush a little more then plops it into his mouth, gleefully finishing it up without a care. Takashi watches in horror._

 _"You're disgusting," Takashi grimaces and goes to pick up another samosa. "These are good. Wonder what they're like fried."_

 _Adam swallows one whole, or so it seems to Takashi. "Dude, they're so much better."_

 _The two fill up on the baked goods and lounge around. Adam is lying on the counter. His legs hang off the edge. Takashi leans by Adam's head and muses, "Do you think Iverson is gonna find out we're here."_

 _Takashi was the one who didn't like breaking rules, and sometimes, Adam feels bad for bring an awful influence. Sometimes. Adam looks at him from the corner of his eye and in a mocking voice mumbles, "You know, who cares? What's he gonna do? Make us do push ups?"_

 _Takashi tilts his head and knocks his temple against the top of Adam's head and sighs, "You know, you're unbelievable."_

 _It's quiet. Adam closes his eyes, completely prepared to doze off. He hears a shift and assumes Takashi is going to go get more food. What he doesn't expect is a presence leaning over him._

 _He opens his eyes and sees Takashi leaning over him. His face is starting to turn a shade red as he stares down at Adam. Adam's heart beats fast, and he can hear his pulse. He parts his lips but doesn't say anything. Takashi leans down just a bit, slowly tucking his hand under Adam's head and placing his other hand on Adam's side._

 _"Is this okay?" Takashi whispers._

 _Adam nods. For his first kiss, he doesn't know what to expect. Takashi's lips are a little spicy but soft against his own. It doesn't go much deeper than the initial peck before Takashi pulls away, blushing deeply and hiding his smile behind the back of his hand. He hadn't ever considered Takashi and him kissing, but he isn't mad about it._

 _"Samosa breath," Adam accuses, trying to play off the kiss. He sits up on the counter and is about to continue when the doors to the kitchen slide open and introduce a pissed off Iverson._

 _"Oh, fuck…" Adam groans, looking at Takashi._

 _"Offer him a samosa," Takashi whispers, bracing himself for the scolding._

—

Adam chuckles. Iverson had a field day with the two. Takashi had stolen that keycard, and the two were out way past their curfew. If he has to be honest, he thinks he deliberately would try to get Iverson's attention. He wanted to be known for something other than perfect grades. When he was younger, that something had been getting in trouble and having a smart mouth. The amount of times he got reprimanded and almost dragged star student Takashi Shirogane down with him was laughable. Even Curtis barely escaped the wrath of the commander.

Poor Curtis… Adam smiles, remembering how many times his kind friend had gotten Takashi and Adam out of trouble.

—

 _"Sir, I haven't seen either of them since class." Curtis shifts to the left. He stands straight in front of a skeptical Commander Iverson who is looking him over. Unbeknownst to Iverson, Takashi and Adam are in the next room over trying to sneak out through a window before they are caught._

 _Iverson looks down at Curtis , raising his eyebrow unnervingly high. They here a loud crash in the room and Curtis falters for a moment. Iverson moves past the teenager and opens the door, only to find an empty storage unit. He walks around slowly, expectantly turning corners ready to catch Shirogane and Wahid breaking some sort of rule. When he is satisfied that no one is in the room, he leaves. Curtis bids him farewell and as soon as Iverson leaves, he slumps against the wall and sighs in relief._

 _A few moments later he receives a text._

 _ **Adam**_ _: Thanks :')_

 _ **Shiro**_ _: we owe you q.q_

 _Curtis rolls his eyes and texts back._

 _ **Curtis**_ _: Don't talk to me ever again._

 _That same semester Curtis gets transferred to the California base as a communications intern. Adam and Takashi try to keep in touch, but their growing responsibilities make it hard to meet up. They don't see him again until a few years later._

—

Adam inhales, turning on his back once more. He's wide awake. If he's being honest, he can't remember the last time he's slept well. His nights are always haunted by memories of simpler times. Or… maybe they aren't simpler, he just knows too much now.

His curtain is pulled back and someone enters. He looks over and sees a blurry Wes approach him.

"Mr. Adam?" he asks just barely over a whisper.

Adam sits up, "Are you okay, Wes?"

The little boy looks down at his feet and shakes his head. "Can I stay with you?"

Adam's heart melts just a little and he nods, moving over so that Wes can crawl in next to him. The little boy makes himself comfortable in the crook of Adam's arm. The older man looks down at him and sighs.

"Mr. Adam?" Wes asks again.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

Adam thinks for a moment. That one time Takashi and he got stuck in the desert and Iverson had to come get them might make for a nice tale. He nods and begins. At some point he looks over to see if Wes is paying attention only to find that the boy has soundly fallen asleep.

Adam looks contently on and tightens his hold around Wes, barely noticing himself slowly dozing off as well.


End file.
